……old stories that i never blog about. This one is too personal.
12 12 2006After nasha left me and lost contact with each other for more than 3 month, I’ve been in a mess. My hair, beard and mustache i didn’t care like i usually do. Been an idiot in that time looking for a place to think and enjoy myself and sometimes I’ve been a sick and quiet kind of person. My mom noticed it when i go back my hometown and asking me ‘ What happen to you? You look depressed.’ I answered ‘nasha left me’ My mom didn’t ask any question after that. After that however, something happens.
There was this girl in my class on 1st trimester (math class). I happen to get to know her by coincidently. She’s cute, happy and somehow act similar like nasha does. I often peek at her silently (I’m not a stalker dammit!) during the class since by looking at her i feel calm and at ease. This thing continues till the end of the trimester and all i know is her name and her friend’s name. During the break, i’ll try to add her in my friend list on friendster (i have nothing better to do at that time, suddenly remembers) and i manage to add her. She’s really cute i say. TOO CUTE. So i started to give her testimonials and ended become as friends. Really just ‘FRIENDS’ okay? To make things short, there was this time during fasting month at my hometown, i smsed her what i do and ask how she does at her hometown (lucky me, one of his hometown was at Pahang too) and when I’m depressed, i tell her my problems and ask her opinion and stuffs.
Then on the 2nd trimester for the first time i met her face to face. She brings her friend too and we talk stuffs and all and it goes well. Then there was this one time, I introduced her my friend, that have similar interest like her. We always hang out together going to MP, Tanjung Bidara (it closed when we get there) by car. Suddenly, i don’t know why, i fell in love with her slowly without her knowing it. When i try to tell her about it, my mind pops out a word ‘Don’t ever forget (you know who). Don’t ever do it’ or something like that. So i got confused. Really confused. Whether should i stop waiting for (you know who, again) or i tell her my feelings of her. So i made my decision. I choose to wait and stop going out with that cute girl. (My friend still going out with her though, he’s the driver).
After that, it become a lot lot messier. My ex update her blog, pictures and contacted me. One part of me is happy and another part is not. I wanted to tell my ex about the cute girl thing, but i know that she would be disappointed. So i chose not to tell about it to my ex and go on with the flow. And recently last week, i told the cute girl about my feelings of her without my ex knowing it. She told me that I’m confused and that’s when i really stop contacting her for a whole week. Then by this week, i know that my member couples with that cute girl. Somehow because of that, I’ve become even more messier, depressed and all *Jealousy maybe?*.But on another way, I’m happy, as at least i know that my friend is a really good guy and can take care of her nicely.
Then i started to get sick, slowly and badly. Today, i cough blood at my home right after i meet her again. And this does not bold well. Till now, i’m accumulating stress over my mind, body and spirit. I started to lose hope. So to you all readers, i need some suggestion on what should i do now. Help needed.
PS: To those who related to this story. I wanted to say sorry. Especially my ex, Nasha.
PS1: Depressed mode = on
walaa.. adib,adib…tamo la camni..kesihatan tu yg penting…kena jaga diri walau ape sekalipun..tamo messed up messed up ni…adib..kalau kita awake skrg..i can c dat u will be totally a different guy…maksud ima, sihat sentiasa walafiat, p k positive, ceria selalu, smart sentiasa x messedup2..kan elok tu…tamo la lemah2 camne ni..semangat la..tingkatkan lg power
blackhowling bleyh!! yaarghhh huhu…
kita x semestinya kena bersemangat bila org tersayang x ade..sepatutnya semangat selalu bebiler mase…
baru la blackhowling huhu
Waduh2. abg adib, kronik nie situasi abg adib nie, smpai muntah darah, erk silap, batuk darah. Hmm…
Nasihat ? I can’t really give an advice since aku mmg x pernah experience this type of situation, also due to the fact I suck in gving advice when it comes to these matters, but I can advice one thing la, don’t let this thing take control of you. Yg penting tuh is your health, and think positive and look forward.
Hopefully advice aku nie bagi la hati ko sejuk skit.
Cheer up man !
adib…
its not ur fault key?
maybe ader hikmah disebalik nih…
adib tlg la jaga kesihatan k…
plz…
i pardon u…
jgn biar bnda nie menguasai adib…adib blh lagi frend ngn dia..
n i know she really want to frend with you…k?
take care…
jaga kchatan adib plz…
Owh man that so sorrow to me as you..well now i suggest you must stop all the stuff that related to her.. you must look far forward for your future.. your bright future.. seek for your wealth and happiness.. and then find someone who is love yourself and your soul..
ps: LorD is a good soul mate huhu
ps2: Cheater gamer never die huhu
tp adib, kalu ko rase leh tunggu and ade respon yg baik itu terpulang pd kau.. sbb kau lebih berhak menentukannya.. kami disini hanya bg semangat dan dorongan pd kau agar kau dpt kuatkan semangat dan mengeluarkan kuasa kau yg terpendam itu hingga ke kemuncak
ima : ok. thanks ima..!
kid : apa abg adib? you sound gay.. sheesh. hehe. i will move on, but it will take quite some time for me to overcome it. May allah show me the way to get out of this mess.
hanin : i will. for ur sake, i will. So we’re friends rite?
Thanks *hugs*
lord : gamer never dies bebeh. thanks afiq. ko la member aku didunia dan akhirat. =) Kalau aku masih lagi teruskan kehidupan macam ni, aku takut nanti kehidupan aku lagi terseksa.
To all : I’ll accept the ways things go. I’ll accept it as a test from god. For nasha case, i choose to wait, as i alrady promise her that i will wait till he got someone else that’s better than me. For the cute girl problem tu plak, i will accept her as my good ol’ friend and help her in any ways i can.
I will move on to a new bright future, but in case shit happen again, i’ll be browsing your comment here to gave me hope and as a foundation to move on again. Thanks to you all and may god blees you guys. *hugs everyone*
I’ve been in that kind of situation before. What I did was keep myself busy with something else so I can keep it off my mind. You will get over it, I swear.
Jaga kesihatan elok – elok. Kang kalau melarat susah.
amir :-
demit !!..
DRIVER tuw aku..ok..aku diam dah lepas ni adib dengan kau..fine !!..
aku meraj0k dengan kau..seriusly..bye !
Ezrin- i just realised..we’re on the same boat.
Amir : erk. sorry mir, aku dah takleh simpan dalam hati dah =( need to release it here. else, it would become something really bad.
Ezrin - You too eh? =(
Bro Zaidi : Erm.. i did keep making me busy. by playing MMORPG =( But somehow it kept coming back on my mind -_______-” Thanks bro for the advice. *bear hugs*
rilekla bro.. u have so much things that many just dreamt it such as; ******, n***m** and r***my** . sao jela.
Bad : ok… =)