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After nasha left me and lost contact with each other for more than 3 month, I’ve been in a mess. My hair, beard and mustache i didn’t care like i usually do. Been an idiot in that time looking for a place to think and enjoy myself and sometimes I’ve been a sick and quiet kind of person. My mom noticed it when i go back my hometown and asking me ‘ What happen to you? You look depressed.’ I answered ‘nasha left me’ My mom didn’t ask any question after that. After that however, something happens.

There was this girl in my class on 1st trimester (math class). I happen to get to know her by coincidently. She’s cute, happy and somehow act similar like nasha does. I often peek at her silently (I’m not a stalker dammit!) during the class since by looking at her i feel calm and at ease. This thing continues till the end of the trimester and all i know is her name and her friend’s name. During the break, i’ll try to add her in my friend list on friendster (i have nothing better to do at that time, suddenly remembers) and i manage to add her. She’s really cute i say. TOO CUTE. So i started to give her testimonials and ended become as friends. Really just ‘FRIENDS’ okay? To make things short, there was this time during fasting month at my hometown, i smsed her what i do and ask how she does at her hometown (lucky me, one of his hometown was at Pahang too) and when I’m depressed, i tell her my problems and ask her opinion and stuffs.

Then on the 2nd trimester for the first time i met her face to face. She brings her friend too and we talk stuffs and all and it goes well. Then there was this one time, I introduced her my friend, that have similar interest like her. We always hang out together going to MP, Tanjung Bidara (it closed when we get there) by car. Suddenly, i don’t know why, i fell in love with her slowly without her knowing it. When i try to tell her about it, my mind pops out a word ‘Don’t ever forget (you know who). Don’t ever do it’ or something like that. So i got confused. Really confused. Whether should i stop waiting for (you know who, again) or i tell her my feelings of her. So i made my decision. I choose to wait and stop going out with that cute girl. (My friend still going out with her though, he’s the driver).

After that, it become a lot lot messier. My ex update her blog, pictures and contacted me. One part of me is happy and another part is not. I wanted to tell my ex about the cute girl thing, but i know that she would be disappointed. So i chose not to tell about it to my ex and go on with the flow. And recently last week, i told the cute girl about my feelings of her without my ex knowing it. She told me that I’m confused and that’s when i really stop contacting her for a whole week. Then by this week, i know that my member couples with that cute girl. Somehow because of that, I’ve become even more messier, depressed and all *Jealousy maybe?*.But on another way, I’m happy, as at least i know that my friend is a really good guy and can take care of her nicely.

Then i started to get sick, slowly and badly. Today, i cough blood at my home right after i meet her again. And this does not bold well. Till now, i’m accumulating stress over my mind, body and spirit. I started to lose hope. So to you all readers, i need some suggestion on what should i do now. Help needed.

PS: To those who related to this story. I wanted to say sorry. Especially my ex, Nasha.
PS1: Depressed mode = on